Sitting here tonight, doing a great deal of self-evaluating
while drinking what I like to call a Tennessee Tango but most would refer to as
a Whiskey Sour. There are some nights where you just cannot escape everything
that is bubbling inside of you, and I don’t mean guts. Often when I start to
reflect on myself I think back on things I have done that have got me here.
Some nights they are the good things, others they are the bad. Tonight in
particular I was thinking about the things I do when I am single, and how they
affect me. It is funny how sometimes you stumble across the best things to help
you through the mood you are in, tonight was one of those nights.
I love to read a blog by James Michael Sama known as “The
New Chivalry Movement” because it inspires me to be a better man. Tonight I
strolled across a post of his that really hit home with me, like many of his
writings do. The entry in mention is titled, “10 Dating Norms You Need To Stop
Accepting.” Tonight, I would like to reflect on some of these and my past
actions and where I would like to be in the near future.
Having to keep working for their approval:
Sama defines this one simply as, “A man or woman should be
with you because they value and appreciate who you are, not what you do or how
well you sell yourself to them.”
I can honestly say that I believe that majority of the
people in my life do appreciate me for who I am. I think they appreciate the
fact that I am a cut up, very off-the-cuff, outgoing person who also knows when
to straighten up and act right. I also believe that they appreciate that I always
try to be there for the big things and most of the small things, but I’m not
focusing on this one because of how people see me, no, I honestly feel I have
victimized people with this idea. I honestly feel I have put out a great deal
of negative vibes into the world in the past by expecting more from people than
I should and not accepting them when they fail. It is something that I can
recognize now and can honestly hope that I learn from and can focus on not
doing so in the future.
Continuously repeating the same mistakes:
“Someone who keeps promising to change or do things
differently, but repeatedly doesn’t, is showing you a clear pattern…”
I am very guilty of this one as well, which I assume we all
are. I have fallen for this one myself and sadly have used this tactic in the
past to get my way. It is a sad tactic for anyone to use but personally I look
back at the times I did and shake my head at that younger me. A real man
doesn’t promise to change; he shows you change and lives up to that decision
every day. I aim to never use this “promise of change” ever again and instead
to be honest and show change.
Cheating:
“Some people think that second chances are acceptable. I, on
the other hand, think that if someone discarded your feelings enough to cheat
on you once, they’ll do it again.”
I agree, people are creatures of habit and when they succumb
to their primal urges it shows a weak will. What is worse is that cheating has
become so second nature to such a number of people these days that it doesn’t have
an impact like it used to. Cheating is
an interesting term, everyone defines what it is in their own ways but if at
any point you feel that you have been cheated then it is time to go your
separate ways, odds are the cheater is going to promise to change and then
repeat the cycle.
Invasion of privacy:
“In a healthy relationship, there is no need to hide
anything. Texts, emails, Facebook messages – whatever. But that doesn’t mean
your partner has the right to snoop through them…”
Again, I am guilty as charged and feel that this is one the
new world will have an issue with. With everyone posting everything that they
can it creates a sense of distress when someone hides something from you. If
you don’t believe me get a group of friends together and have one of them show
everyone in the group a photo or text except for 1 person, Majority of people
will ask what it is or why they didn’t get to see. Think about how you feel
when you walk up to someone showing another person something online, your
interest is peaked. What we have forgotten is that everyone is due their
privacy even in a relationship. I do agree though, in a truly solid
relationship you should be able to tell your other-half anything.
At this point I want to digress, there are plenty more that
Sama writes about and I agree with them all but I feel like these are the major
ones that I personally need to work on. Granted I have experienced one side or
the other, and sometimes both of every single one of his suggested ideas and
could sit here and write about these experiences in depth but I honestly wrote
this as a form of self-reflection and pointing fingers at others is not worth
the effort. We have all made mistakes, we all have our flaws, and we all will
experience these at times, but the real goal to anything and everything we do
should always be to constantly better ourselves.
If you would like to read more of James Michael Sama’s work
then please use the link below, I promise you won’t be disappointed.
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