Drink Like You Mean It!

    Sitting here with a Jack & Coke harboring a solid ball of ice and it has me thinking of my days behind the bar. It seems these days that there are such few bartenders with a sense of adventure, creativity, and originality. It seems that every time I ask a bartender to play dealers choice on any drink I end up with a shot of the dreaded Fireball! I’m sorry but Fireball is the worst shit on earth. The fucking shot trend is horrible; first it was Jager-Bombs, then Firefly Sweet Tea, then Rumple, now it’s fucking Fireball! The next time you are at the bar try giving one of these drinks a try:

The Nor-Cal:

  

 

 

 

 

  A simple drink for any of you gym buffs because it is low calorie and easy to drink. I had a cross-fit instructor ask me for this the first time I heard of it and to this day he tells me it is still the best he had. Finding a bartender who will make it right for you will be the real challenge.

-1-1/2 oz. of Tequila, usually silver but gold can work

-1 full key lime or half of a regular lime.

-Kosher Salt

-Soda Water

    The secret to this drink is the limes, you have to muddle the damn limes! Put them in your mixing tin or glass and mash the hell out of these little shits while the sit in the tequila. Your goal is to release that citrus juice and lime pulp so that it quickly infuses with the flavor of the tequila.

    Now, add your Kosher Salt to this mix, some soda water, and some ice and shake the ever loving shit out of it! I mean all of your effort, put that damn tin over your shoulder and just go to town like you are pissed at it! Not one fucking shake, not two, this isn’t a drink you want a busy night club bartender making, you want someone who can put effort into it.

    Once you are done shaking you are going to pour this into a salted rim glass and add a little fresh ice and add another lime to the edge just for looks. Toss in a straw and serve. It should have a clear color with a very light hint of green.

The Adult Root Beer Float:

    Going to the opposite end of the spectrum I want to suggest an amazing dessert drink to share with your date, friend, or hetero-life-mate. This drink came to me when I was trying to convince a couple to have desert but they wanted to drink more, two birds one stone!

 

-1oz of Baileys

-3/4oz of Godiva Chocolate Liqueur

-2 scoops of Vanilla ice cream

-1 bottle of IBC Root beer

- Whip Cream

-Chocolate Syrup

    This one is quick and simple, stack your two scoops of vanilla ice cream into a pint glass and pour your liquor over the top, both of those bitches! Add your IBC to the glass so that you get the bubbly frothiness and then top it with some whip cream and a quick chocolate syrup drizzle. Stick in some straws and spoons and serve mutha-fucka!

The NPH:

    Simple, Quick, Delicious…..

 

    Done!

   (Kidding, that would be disgusting but I do need to make a drink for this name.)

Basil Bloody Mary:

    This one I put together for a contest and made it to the top 16 out of 300 entries. It is a pretty simple twist on a classic. Think tomato basil soup in a glass with alcohol you bastard!

 

-1-1/2oz of vodka

-tomato juice

-basil

-kosher salt

-black pepper

-tabasco

-Worcestershire sauce

-lime

   

 

    First, pour your vodka into a mixing tin and slap your basil around like a red headed step child to wake it up before tossing it into the tin. Muddle the two together lightly and then add some ice. Add a pinch of kosher salt, 2 to 3 splashes of tabasco, 2 splashes of Worcestershire, a squeeze of lime, black pepper and then your tomato juice. Shake the hell out of this mixture and pour it into a glass with a salted or peppered rim and top off with some fresh ice.  Feel free to garnish with olives, celery, or those damn little banana peppers. Serve… and never google the term Bloody Mary under images.