After traveling Rome and Athens for a week, being delayed in
New York, jumping over to Minnesota, making it home, and enjoying some down
time (yes, downtime after a vacation) I have realized something rather major…
I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK!
Everything I have touched the pen to lately has become
scribbles, rants, or trash. I expected to come home with a detailed review of
Rome, another of Athens, and at least one humor or pop culture piece to share
in the blog, not to mention the work I wanted to put into a book idea I have,
and instead came home with nothing. I have been so fixated on responsibility
and stress that I have failed to do what I originally set out to do with this
blog and that was promote positivity and enjoy life to the fullest. I understand
that not every day will be a great day but lately it feels like I have just
given in to the bad ones and forgot to just blow off the bullshit and focus on
the good.
I do a great deal of self-reflecting, so much in fact that some have suggested to me
that I possibly “think too much instead of living” and they are most likely
correct, but then again maybe that is a habit developed from my environment. My
parents were always cautious and planned people and that taught me to always
calculate the risk but when you calculate risk it takes away from anything you
may experience not to mention it gives you a slightly more negative outlook on things.
With that all said, I still have nothing to truly write
about so I decided to google ideas and came across list titled “20 things
everyone should master by age 40” and it is from Oprah.com …. Seriously fucking
Oprah… someone I hold to trust or faith in… oh well I have gone too far to turn
back now, he says looking back 59 words. Anyways I figure I can at least run
through these to self-evaluate and possibly state my opinion about each or
some.
#1 is “How to Delegate.”
Well fuck that, few people ever learn how to delegate and it
is not required of most of us because we are followers or peons, paid to sit
still and do as we are told. Next!
#2 “How to Comfort Someone.”
Okay, this one makes sense; we should all take the time to
learn how to comfort someone even if it’s just the people close to us. It is
helpful to others when you show interest in their burden, and honestly that is
all most of us are looking for, someone to listen.
#3 is “How to Have More Fun Having Sex.”
Ladies, and that is the target demographic this list is
aiming for, I am sorry that we have let you down. Oprah is not someone I would
be going to for sex advice but then again none of these points are even written
by Oprah, I.E.:
Sex researchers have
found that one of the biggest turn-ons for women is feeling desired. So
believing that you're desirable is key. Choose a part of your body you admire.
It might be your eyes, your hari, the curve of your calves. Now focus on that
part in your mind and "see" it as your partner would see it. It may
feel silly, but imagine he's thinking, "Wow, I want her so bad." And
remember: You don't have to wait until you're in the mood. Sometimes you just
need to get started and the mood will follow.
—Gail Saltz, MD,
author of The Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life
I personally want to express to both genders that feeling
desired is a turn on for everyone. Guys, take some time to show her you care
and want her, Ladies, don’t be afraid to make the first move now and then.
#4 is (why I chose to even write about this list) “How to
Spot a Good Opportunity.”
This is something I have very poor experience in. It is not
often that opportunity gets slung at my door like a newspaper on Sunday morning.
Honestly, I think the idea of opportunity coming to you has died off due to my
generation and those to follow, generation Y and Z. I like the advice given on
this one so I will quote it here:
“When you're weighing
an opportunity, make the question that simple: “"Do I really want this, or
am I doing it for the money or the prestige or because I think I should?"”
It can't just be about those things. It has to make you feel good, too. And by
the way, if opportunities aren't knocking, you can make your own.”
—Christina Wayne
former senior VP at AMC, current president of Cineflix Studios, and an
executive producer of the new BBC America series Copper
I think that may be one of the biggest things I struggle
with in life, the idea that I am doing something because I was told all my life
it is the right way to do something, it is the standard way to do things, and
not because I actually enjoy doing it or have any passion to do it.
#5, “How to make conversations at parties”
Simple, read
something like this and then ask someone their views on any of these topics and
how they go about fulfilling these ideas in their life. My personal favorite,
ask people how they make conversation at parties when you are at a party. I
guarantee you everyone will think it is a joke and just go with it.
#6, “How to End a Friendship”
Click
FB: “Would you like to unfriend this person?”
You: “Yes”
#7, “How to Stay in Touch”
Click “Add Friend”
“Friend Request Approved, You and Fuck Face are now Friends!”
#8 is, “How to Not Sweat the Small Stuff.”
If anyone had an answer to this that wasn’t , “Anti-anxiety
pills” then they must have it all figured out and should be lifted high into
the air on a throne of gold as wine was poured into their mouth from a chalice
by beautiful servants of their sexual preference. What’s that, there is an
answer… Well then let’s see it!
“The thing that's
grand about spending your time thinking about the universe is that it makes you
feel insignificant. I don't mean that in a bad way. If you understand that
we've now discovered entire solar systems that contain planets similar to
Earth, and that those are just the ones we know about, since most of the stars
we've looked at are within about 300 light-years of Earth and the distance to
the center of our galaxy is nearly 100 times that—then you realize that the
laundry you've left undone and the dumb thing you said yesterday are about as
significant as slime mold.”
—Alyssa Goodman,
professor of astronomy, Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics
That was your advice…that… you know what, no throne or wine
or beautiful servants for you! Yea that really helps people out, tell them how
insignificant they are whenever they worry about the small stuff, I’m sure that
worked great for communist Russia which is why they are the world power right
now. Don’t worry about your purpose in all of this Little Nikolie, you are
insignificant in the grand scheme of things!
#9, “How Not to Embarrass Yourself at Karaoke.”
I am going to take a moment here while you think about this
question and it following #8, go ahead, and take your time…
…
…
…
Seriously, I’ll wait…
…
…
…
Anyways, simple solution, don’t sing Karaoke.
#10 is, “How to Make New Friends-at ANY AGE.”
Please refer to #7
#11 is, “How to Forgive Yourself.”
You have to find a
way forward. You can say, "I'm going to work to improve myself so I never
hurt another person that way." And then you need to atone, to make the
lesson you learned mean something. Do this, and you will be able to look in the
mirror again.
—Jennifer Thompson,
rape victim whose testimony sent the wrong man to prison for ten years
Yes, Jennifer has the right idea, you have to find a way to
make yourself feel better after you wrongfully accuse someone and lock them
away in federal prison where they will live every day worrying who is going to
shank them from the front and back (HEYO!) Jokes aside, I’m not trying to lessen
what she went through, rape is a horrible act to commit towards anyone and I
feel for people who have TRUELY experienced that in life.
Forgiveness is hard, honestly I think it may be easier for
one to forgive themselves than it is to forgive others so personally I think
#11 should just be “How to Forgive” and address the idea of forgiving others
and yourself. It takes a great deal of strength to forgive someone who has hurt
you. I would consider myself a very forgiving person and that is not based off
of my own ego but more so from people being surprised by my actions and
explaining to me how their first instinct would not have been the same thing. We
should all work on forgiveness, and to be honest it starts by truly trying to
see the world from the other parties’ perspective and reflecting on what you
did to upset them.
#12, “How to Tell a Secret.”
Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.
#13, “Simple Ways to Look Polished.”
I feel like we somehow just jumped into a damn Cosmo article
because it literally is a basics style guide for women that I will not share
because it could have been written co-gender very easily but Adam Glassman,
creative director for O obviously has no friends at GQ or Esquire or else he
would have realized they write the same bullshit for men’s basic fashion too!
#14 is, “How to Let Go of Anger.”
Anger is like a storm
rising up from the bottom of your consciousness. When you feel it coming, turn
your focus to your breath. Breathe in deeply to bring your mind home to your
body. Then look at, or think of, the person triggering this emotion: With
mindfulness, you can see that she is unhappy, that she is suffering. You can
see her wrong perceptions. You can see that she is not beautiful when she says
things that are unkind. You can also see that you don't want to be like her.
You'll feel motivated by a desire to say or do something nice—to help the other
person suffer less. This means compassionate energy has been born in your
heart. And when compassion appears, anger is deleted.
—Thich Nhat Hanh,
Buddhist monk and author of Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames
I can’t even mock this one because I feel like it is spot
on, I mean sure it sounds super granola peace and love for all but at least the
focus is correct, She is not happy and you better find a way to make her happy
because let’s face it guys, it’s always our fault.
#15, “How to Say Goodbye to a Loved One.”
“Okay, Bye, I know you are going to call me in 5 minutes
anyways so I’m leaving mom!”
#16 is, “How to Know when to Quit.”
I can’t make heads or tails of this one because I swear it
is contradicting its self so I am just going to quote it and maybe someone else
will understand it. (Keep in mind it is 11:59 p.m. as I write this part.)
After my first book
was published in 2000, I spent two and a half years writing a novel. But it
never felt right. I didn't even name it—it was the poor, misshapen beast child
I kept hidden under my bed. Then I showed it to my agent. "None of the
things you do well are in evidence here," she said. I was devastated, then
relieved: I had failed, and now I could stop. If you don't feel a shiver of
excitement or fear, if there's no emotional risk involved, let it go (LET IT
GOOO LET IT GOOO!). You can't discount how hard it will be to leave your bad
marriage or stop writing your bad book, but if you're unhappy, nothing can get
better as long as the status quo stays the status quo.
—Elissa Schappell,
author of Blueprints for Building Better Girls
#17, “How to Listen Better.”
Okay so listening, this is a hard one for so many of us and
I feel like it has only become harder with the shortened attention span that
social media has given us. (Don’t believe me, consider every video, status, and
article you read now and really recall when was the last time it took you more
than 5 minutes to get through any of those, beside this one of course.)
Attentive listening use to be a strong suit of mine and then
I realized that I had acquired the lovely ability to use selective hearing (not
a blessing gentlemen) which made my life a bit harder and as time has gone on I
honestly can’t recall half of the things people talked to me about today. How
do we overcome this, simple, we force ourselves. We put the phone away, make it
silent, sit at a table with people, take turns expressing our pieces, bounce
ideas around, ask for feedback, use non-verbal signs to express our interest
and concern, and be part of a conversation.
Next time you are talking to someone take note on where your
phone is, where their phone is, how many times you both look at them, where
your feet are pointing, how both your bodies are situated, your tones, your
actions, and see how much of it says, “I want to be here right now.” Once you
have done all of this, take a course on Interpersonal Communication or at least
google some concepts of it!
#18 is, “How to Get Past Emotional Pain.”
Everything we
experience—no matter how unpleasant—comes into our lives to teach us something.
To move on from something difficult, look for the lesson. Start by asking
yourself: "If this is the way things are supposed to be, what can I learn
from it?" Think about how you may have contributed to the painful
experience, or if there was anything you could have done to prevent it. Often
we don't realize the lesson because we'd rather avoid reliving the pain. But
once you allow yourself to reflect on the sadness, anger, guilt, or shame
you've been hiding, those feelings will begin to subside. Yes, someone hurt
you. Once you've forgiven them and let go, you can move forward and begin
creating the life you desire.
—Iyanla Vanzant, host
of OWN's Iyanla, Fix My Life
I can’t touch this one because I agree with it, everything
we experience is supposed to teach us something and that is why they say, “What
doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” The phrase refers to emotional trials
(majority of the time) although I am sure there are some physical pains that
also apply.
#19, “How to Buy Great Wine.”
If there are two
things I don’t know it is Wine and Scotch. They both taste like bitter, dry,
liquids to me that have the potential to get me drunk. I can stomach them both
but when there is a choice, I would prefer almost anything else. There are
certain occasions where a glass of wine is nice, now as for Scotch, fuck
scotch, I will take a Gin if I want to act like I am higher glass than I am.
#20, after all of this I can honestly say that I almost gave
up and said screw getting to twenty but now that I can see it (and I literally
didn’t read these in advance, I wrote them as I read them) I can say I am happy
I stuck it out because this may be the most important on the list. “How to
Laugh at Life.”
The tap water hits a
spoon in the sink and sprays you. You pull a window shade and it just keeps
going and going. You can't roll up a garden hose in any dignified way. You have
to become a connoisseur of these events—“"Wow, look at that, that's
great."” You have to hope that a higher power is saying, ”"That was a
good one!"” And that you're sharing the divine pleasure it's taking in
your misfortune.
—Ian Frazier, author
of The Cursing Mommy's Book of Days
After seeing this and thinking back to how I started this
blog post I have to laugh. I am going on about how I am stressing and
forgetting to just enjoy life and not take it so damn seriously and then we
work through all twenty of these and BOOM, the last one is re-iterating the
idea that this whole thing began on. Sometimes you really do just have to laugh
at Life.
To see the entire list travel on over to : http://www.oprah.com/spirit/20-Things-Everyone-Should-Master-by-Age-40/4
Thank you www.timlikestodraw.com for "letting" me use your image even though you have no idea I did so at the moment.
