Lessons Learned From Reality TV

    The last time I wrote something here I mentioned what this blog should be and today I am going to attempt to meet that challenge by sharing a recent story. This story takes place not long ago in a galaxy very, very close; this galaxy to be exact. 

    In the fall of 2017 I found myself sitting at home one night, alone, sad, and exhausted. I wasn’t physically exhausted but instead, mentally. I was worn out from the psychological torment of the swipe game. If you are not sure what the swipe game is then either you’re not single, or you don’t understand technology. The swipe game is the action of swiping left and right on potential people to connect with and potentially date and slash or screw. It’s the new age of dating people. 

    On this fall night I had decided that I was done swiping and trying to connect with people through my phone when there was no initial hormonal connection, you know  the exchange of oxytocin and vasopressin. I decided it was time to do something drastic that would change my life forever, so guess what I did! No, I did not find a hooker...sorry “escort” off of back pages, I decided to apply for a reality television show for the second time in my life. The first time really isn’t important to this story but it was Hell’s Kitchen when I was 22. This time I applied for one of those shows based around love, I won’t state which one because I may still be contractually obligated not to talk about it, I’m not entirely sure, but the general concept of the show would have resulted in me being legally wed to a stranger. 

    Applying for this process was long and required months of evaluations and interviews but as that time went on I slowly came closer and closer to the final casting decision which was more exciting than it was nerve wracking. I know, this idea sounds crazy, and it probably was but as I moved through this process I began to learn more about myself than I ever expected to. 

    The first thing I learned is that balance is incredibly important in all aspects of life. Everything you do should be in balance. Your diet, your vices, your obligations, and your adventures. We currently live in a world where we are constantly shown images and ideas and told to listen, and many of us do listen, before we even think for our self. Think about your Instagram feed and who you follow, it probably has nutrition information, workout guru’s, and adventure capitalists all over it which is great because it is inspiring, but, it’s also an extreme. It shows you all of these specific focuses that become polarizing. Your Facebook feed obviously does the same. When I was going through this process for this show I had to reflect a great deal and I quickly learned that I made excuses for my vices and they were far from balanced. Once I realized this I quickly tried to over correct and drop all of them which was just as horrible. Luckily in the last month or so I found balance. Drink, but know when you need to stop or what nights you shouldn’t. Smoking, it’s horrible for you, but the occasional cigarette is not going to cause you to drop dead. I also found this balance in my responsibilities, discovering that some days you have to put in the hours at work but it’s just as important to put some hours into fun and relaxation. 

    Another big lesson I learned was one that I wish I had learned many years ago. I had heard this one hundreds of times but never really took it to heart until lately. You can’t love someone until you love yourself. It sounds stupid right, I’m sure we have all loved someone before and didn’t really know if we loved our self or not. Well here is the catch, you can be in love with someone and not love yourself, odds are you love that person because they embody characteristics you wish that you had which is fine, it’s called admiration. The saying, “you can’t love someone until you love yourself” really means that you cannot properly love someone and respect them unless you love and respect yourself. If you have no respect for yourself then you have no problem letting others walk all over you which means you probably will not stand up for yourself which is a sign that you lack confidence. How can you be expected to protect, or stand up for, or even understand someone if you are unable to do those things for yourself. Again, in this process I spent great sums of time having to analyze myself and in doing so I began to realize what by best qualities were and in what areas I could use work. This allowed for me to learn to love myself for my quirky and dark sense of humor, my skills of reasoning and sensibility, and my warm heart that I have a tendency to hide from people. It also allowed me to see that I need to work on being a leader for myself so that I don’t stagnate in one place. 

    These are just two examples of things that I learned but most of the lessons fall right in line with these two ideas. I want to urge you, the person reading this now, to sit down and really reflect and analyze yourself. Find a quiet place and write out your answers to the hard questions you want to ask yourself. If you can’t figure out what to ask yourself then do some role-playing and write out the questions you would want to be asked by your dream date and if playing make believe is hard for you then ask a good friend to help you out by being your interviewer, you may be surprised by what you learn about that person in the mirror. 

Ten Drinking Games You Need To Play!

Today I thought we should live up to the name, Wasted Youth, and explain how so many of you are wasting your time and energy by playing…Beer Pong. I love it as much as the next guy but it is time to wake up and smell the fresh vomit stains! There are so many other great drinking games you could be playing and I am here to share the basics of ten great drinking games you should be playing but probably never have!

Buffalo or Water Buffalo- All you need is a drink and people to play with. The rules are simple:
-you cannot hold a drink in your dominate hand. 
-You cannot drink using your dominate hand, and if anyone calls you on it by saying, “Buffalo” then you must finish the drink you are holding right then and there.
   This is a great way to get a small party talking and keeping everyone on their toes. It’s easy to play while passing the time and waiting for your turn on the pong table but also so easy to forget you are playing which is what makes it fun. Be careful though because calling Buffalo to find out someone is using their non-dominate hand results in you having to chug your entire drink.

The Game of Life- No, I do not mean the board game, who wants to sit around and play a game about the thing that is causing them to drink? The game of life although similar to Buffalo is still different. The rules are also simple, you simply have to make sure your drinking vessel, be it bottle, cup or can is damaged in some form or fashion. This keeps you safe, and if at any time someone comes up to you and says, “The Game of Life” you must show them your drink and it’s damage. If you are caught without a damaged vessel you must chug the rest of that drink and promptly grab another.

...Oh and did I forget to mention, once you opt in to play Buffalo or The Game of Life, you are playing forever.

Confidence- is a simple game that requires a few players, a large cup, and a coin of some sort. The game play is straight forward. You begin by pouring some of your drink into the cup as a wager, it can be as little or as much as you want depending on how confident you are. Then you flip the coin and call it in the air. If you are right, you pass the cup to the left (with your drink contents still in it) and the next person repeats, if you are wrong, you must drink the entire contents of the cup!

Thumper- A little more complicated, each player chooses a hand gesture whether it be simple, polite, or sexually enticing, it must be short. The game starts by everyone drumming on the table and someone says, “What’s the name of the game?” everyone must respond, “Thumper!” the leader who started it must then say, “and why do we play?” to which everyone responds, “to get Fucked up!” The leader then performs their hand gesture towards another player who quickly repeats the first gesture and adding their own. Each player must repeat the pattern and add their own until someone misses their Que or is to slow or messes up the pattern and is crowned the “violator.” That person must drink and then begins the next round.

Fuck you- If you have ever played Uno then you will understand fuck you! You deal out an entire deck of cards around the table and the first person plays a card like the 5 of hearts and says Fuck so and so, the person they declare must take five drinks from their drink or if they also have a five can play their five on top of it and declare “Fuck you” to another player passing on the original 5 plus the new five making that person take 10 drinks. At any point someone can throw their matching card on top to make the Fuck more for the drinking player or save that player and pass the new total to a new player. Everyone plays until the last card is assigned and even if you are out of cards you can still be fucked.

Dirty Jenga- Simple, all you need is a Jenga set and a sharpie marker. From there you write different punishments on each block i.e. take a shot, truth or dare, never have I ever, or pass your phone. Think of it like waterfall but with Jenga. Whoever knocks the stack over loses and has to chug the remainder of their drink. Keep in mind that at no point in this game can you have an empty drink.

Battle Shots- I’m not sure if this one needs explaining, it is battle ship but with shots. You can play two ways. The first is where you set up a normal battle ship game and every time your opponent gets a hit you take a shot. The other, which is much more complicated, is where you build your own set up and place the shot glasses on different sectors of the grid. Whenever your opponent hits one of the shots and sinks the shot you must drink it.

Beer Ball / Beer Run- This game has evolved quite quickly in its short lifespan. The original, beer ball is where you set a beer on each end of the table. From the opposite side of the table you try to throw a ball at the beer and hit it. If you hit it you then drink the beer in front of you until your opponent retrieves the ball and places it on the table. Whoever finishes their beer first wins. 
    This game can also be played in teams.

    The evolution which is known as beer run is where you set up 5 cups of beer at the opposite end of the table from the shooter. They shoot the ball and once a cup is made their teammate chugs the beer and has to proceed to flip the cup from its base onto its open mouth before swapping ends with their partner and repeating the process. Whichever team finishes their 5 beers first is the winner. A simple mixture of flip cup and beer pong.

Liars Dice- This one requires a few materials in order to play but is a great game for drinking or gambling. You will need a non-transparent cup for each player and 5 dice. 
    All players shake their dice in their cup (much like Yahtzee) and slam the cup down covering their dice. The player going first looks at their dice and proclaims how many times a selected number occurs on the table. An example of this would be two 3's. The next player then can proclaim there are more of the same number or more of a higher number. If they think the previous player is lying they can call the players bluff and if they think the player is spot on they can also call "spot on." 
    Once a call is made all dice on the table are revealed.
    If you call a bluff and it is correct then the lying player looses the round, takes a drink, and looses a dice. 
    If you call a bluff and it is wrong then you loose the round, take a drink, and loose a dice.
    If you call spot on and are correct then every player except you looses a dice and takes a drink. If you are wrong then you loose a dice and take a drink. 
    the game continues until only one player has dice left. 

True America- The most complex but also exciting game on the list. Imagine the floor is lava meets candy land meets alcoholism.  First you build the castle in the center of the room by placing a bottle of liquor first which is the king. Radiating outward is a 4 rows of beers that are the pawns.

The goal is to traverse the playing spots in the room without touching the floor which means that playing spots are chairs, cushions, tables, etc.

 The game persists of 4 zones created by the angles of the pawns and in those 4 zones are 5 spots to stand.  The center standing spot is the closest to the castle and the only position in which you can take a pawn. 

The goal of the game is to be the first player to land on a center space, have all of the pawns removed and drink from the king. You lose if you touch the lava, do not have a drink or are holding an empty drink. You can come back into the game by drinking a beer and starting at a spot that the other players choose for you.

The game begins by each player shot gunning a beer, the first one done goes first. The winner then yells, “ 1 2 3 JFk” to which all other players respond FDR, grab a pawn and run to a spot. Everyone moves around the field clockwise. Whoever it’s turn is moves 1 space and then provides a chance for everyone else to win a move with 1 of 3 games.

The Count: All players yell 1,2,3 and throw a number of fingers between 1-5 on their fore head, whoever has chosen a number than no one else has chosen gets to move one space.

Complete the Quote: The player begins a quote slowly from history or pop culture and whichever players can complete the quote in tandem win and can move 2 spots.

Something in Common: The player can list two places, people, or things and whoever can declare what these things have in common wins and moves 3 spots.

By laws of True America:

 Everything you hear in true America…is a Lie

When someone finishes a beer they yell, “All trash belongs…” and everyone must respond with, “In the Junk yard!” at which point empty cans are thrown to the designated receptacle.

At any point a player may yell “JFK” and everyone must respond with “FDR” and finish their beer.